REVIEW-RON BURGUNDY: LET ME OFF AT THE TOP-MY CLASSY LIFE & OTHER MUSINGS

4/5

Bound For Leather.

Since the dawn of time, scholars through lost translations have tried to find the meaning of life. While author after author have inscribed text after text that goes down in the concrete engraved world of historical and legendary writing. Guys like Shakespeare, Twain, Dickens, Chaucer, Kerouac, the libraries go on...and then of course there's Ron. Open one of his many leather bound books and you'll read something so transcending that it could burn your eyes like that human torch that banks turn away. Yep, that's right they're kind of a big deal like the 'Channel 4' Anchorman of San Diego, California himself. We all became cult followers of the classic 'Legend Of Ron Burgundy' and this Christmas 'The Legend Continues', but before that comes something you'll want to see under your tree more than a jazz flute, lamp, bottle of sex panther, or even the man himself. Christmas has come early you smelly pirate hookers as the legendary newsman has released his tell-all, memoir. The autobiography of Ron Burgundy 'Let Me Off At The Top-My Classy Life & Other Musings'. By the beard of Zeus, the perfect scotch table read hits you like a straight shot to the ovaries.

As you open this book, you'll be met with the familiar classic book smell of rich mahogany, but the words themselves would put any teleprompter to question mark shame. What more could you expect from the man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel tower out of metal and brawn? Still, beware San Dieogans and beyond if you are easily offended or aroused you should put this book under the bed with the mistress and the rest of the monsters. If you are of a certain race, or ethnic background, belong to a religious group, live in a particular country, are of a particular gender or age, and generally live or breath...you're in trouble. Black, white, rich, poor, young, old, boy, girl, man, woman, cat, dog, you can all join hands together in one world and be royally offended, but hey this is Ron and when it comes to Mr. Burgundy he can even tell his own town where to go. The man who put whale's vagina's on the map is going after everyone on it...even dinosaurs aren't safe...and they're extinct. From his humble beginnings to having the greatest hair you could ever wish to touch (he shares some of his grooming habits and horsehair myths here too), this is the mustache you really must ask after this Movember. The renowned ladies man will leave you with a pattern in the pleats as he teaches his fellow man how to get a woman in just one breath (and all it's back-of-your-neck varieties), while also telling us the secrets and stories, anchoring his own man. From comparing his love-rat status to "six Wilt Chamberlain's"  and even sharing an intimate moment with Bruce Lee.

Ever wondered how to behave in a prison riot? Feces throwing or masturbation? Ever needed any advice on how to handle yourself in a bar-fight? Well let Burgundy's Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary take you for a round, punch by punch. In epic battles that will leave more than just tridents on the floor. This is a man who camped with Bobby Kennedy and maybe did a little more with Walter Cronkite. This is a man who tells us that Joni Mitchell makes him want to kill himself...and as for the Bible...well which book do you think this bar-humble man thinks is better? The book featuring inspiring passages and life lessons to live by...or that one you find in every hotel room? Burgundy's scribe is full of it...literally. Basketball diaries of star wars to wrestling with Jackalopes. From neighborhood disputes to Watergate-like revealing moments in world history that will finally be seen for what they are, through the eyes of the premiere man of telling the news with salon quality hair. A man who has broke such stories as; squirrels on water-skis and pandas giving birth. Speaking of salon quality hair, Ron also dishes the dirt on Hollywood legend Warren Beatty and reveals that he might not just be the one-woman man we thought he was. Yes! Really! I didn't mean to spoil it but that Warren! It doesn't get much crazier than this. With all these revelations and secrets shared no wonder some of this book is blanked out...they'll get it right by the final draft...oh...wait. Proving he has the balls to write this book, his way, the Sinatra of news-casting let's it all hang out in the wind, with one scotch for his Baxter and one for the road.

Sip, by sip this book goes down smooth in one read, from the history of Mexico to healthy eating advice for your kids ("if you don't eat your vegetables, the Burgundy boys will kick your ass"). With hands on advice from the man who dealt with live bears (here's a tip, no disco lights or Donna Summer), you won't immediately regret the decision to buy this book. Its the perfect read and companion if you find yourself ship-wrecked back at your home on whore island. It all comes together perfectly from the man who "invented the Wonderbra and the Supersoaker in the same day". The only thing that's missing is perhaps a whammy preface from Champ Kind, or on the scene foreword by the ever forward Brian Fantana. Or perhaps an afterword from Brick, "I love book" anybody?! Still, this is Ron's book and he wont let anyone else take away his moment. They say when there's a will there's a Ron, but even that Ferrell creature is merely a semi-pro or step brother to the man who can sell Lego, Ben & Jerry's and Dodge Durango's all in one go while offending ballroom dancers and all horses great and small (read more here and learn how to actually break a steed with some carefully whispered ("YOU'RE AN IDIOT"!) words). Hey, everybody! Come and see how good this book looks. From his news-team being assembled and honored in a Washington D.C Newseum to the pages going for the Pulitzer, Ron Burgundy's legend is about to make history again. You're going to want to be on this book. From conversations with himself to a portrait of his life with picture perfect proof this man is hitting all the high-jazz notes. Through it all, chapter and verse, the legend that is Ron Burgundy reads, writes and keeps it classy. TIM DAVID HARVEY.

BOOK REPORT-RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS SPECIAL

Following our Bruce Springsteen special last week, this weeks books take it from New Jersey to California with the Red Hots.

ANTHONY KIEDIS-SCAR TISSUE: Remember a month back when I re-brought Johnny Cash's amazing autobiography because I was ranting about lending books out and never getting them back? Well, how wrong I was. After asking a good friend of mine for my Anthony Kiedis autobiography back, he went one better then just saying he would. He re-brought the book himself and posted it to me. I didn't mind that he lost it-he could have just said-but instead he graciously replaced my rain soaked (by my own walking fault) paperback out of shape, dog-earred copy for a brand new Bible big hardback. Kiedis frank, unapologetic, beautiful and brutal book sheds Californication sunlight on quite the life and career. From his own success in his 'socks on cocks' adult band, to sharing a bed with Cher in his youth. No, nothing dodgy went on in that case, but through all the women and drugs that did occur, Anthony points an honest finger at himself and poignantly shows us through his word works and lyrics how we dont have to go down the same lesson learned path. By the way of the Pepper frontman you'll see what this rock and roll life is truly about from destruction to redemption. This book has special meaning for me because years ago when I was in a lost place I decided to read my huge pile of unread books starting with this one. Since then I haven't stopped reading or writing since. It's given me quite the career opportunity. That was over half a decade ago. Thank you Colin and thank you Anthony. This is how much it means to me.

AN ORAL/VISUAL HISTORY: From some freaky styles to a band that gave stadiums arcadiums of rock, the Red Hot Chili Peppers are captured perfectly here in photo. Perfectly if you don't mind seeing naked men with only tube socks and logos covering them up that is. Ladies this ones sort of for you and guys, hey it was 1.50 in a local book store. Like Dave Chappelle once said, " who can pass up a sale, I'll break a five for that". From the punk George Clinton beginnings to the Rick Rubin rebirth this band has been through a lot of rocks and rolls and it is all captured here perfectly on camera and by the writing of each band member and associate for some inspired, influential quotes. Even Lawrence Fishburne makes an apperance here in this matrix of words and pictures. As do testaments to former members and greats, including the late, great Hillel Slovak, Janes Addiction's Dave Navarro and THE Chili Pepper guitarist we want back John Frusciante. This behind the scenes, from the source material book is a must for all hot Pepper fans and is alive with the passion of each member and the bands legacy in red color and in hot rhyme. TIM DAVID HARVEY.

BOOK REPORT-BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN SPECIAL

If you know me by now, you know I'm an autobiography, not biography man, but when it comes to bargain Boss books, well that's a different matter.

E STREET SHUFFLE: With Bruce Springsteen recentely stating he won't write an autobiography (we could certainly transcribe one from some of his songs epic live inspired introductions) one of the best books you could read is from Clinton Heylin. The man whose book work on Dylan could go page for page with Bob's epic songbook delivers another great here, chronicling Bruce's glory days from the greetings from Asbury Park, to the break up and reshuffle of the E Street Band. What resonates here is the attention to detail and events, marked by real, inspiring quotes from the band and the boss himself that make this as authentic and influential as possible. A run down of every official and unofficial Springsteen song of that era to conclude the last 100 pages or so of this book make this read one bootleg that the Boss would love. Sound good?

WALK LIKE MAN: With all the Bruce biograpies out there it's hard to pick one, but Canadian Robert J Wiersema may be the most inventive and therefore best. If 'E Street Shuffle' is best described as a bootleg then 'Walk Like A Man' is truly a perfect and proud mixtape. Time to make the pod playlist. Chronicling not only the boss muses life, but the life of our author too, Wiersema takes you on a tour of what it's truly like to be growin' up with the soundtrack of hard-working blue collared jeans and boot-cut America, that even translates up north and to a small, Asbury Park type seaside town that this Englishman writing this with dreams of New York resides in. Now I relate to Bob as much as I relate to Bruce, as each song-titled chapter from 'Rosalita' to 'My Hometown' details not only the Bosses journey but how each song by the man of rock related to Wiersema's life and times. From it's short but sweet chapters to it's footnotes more detailed than a Shakepeare playbook, this is truly a great read. Especially for a man who loves Canada just as much as he loves New Jersey's favourite son. Boss fans rejoice and come together. It's time to truly relate. TIM DAVID HARVEY.

BOOK REPORT

We're all spies like Coldplay this week as we take it from Bond to Bourne with a secret service of thrilling reads.

THE BOURNE IMPERATIVE: So far we've had four brilliant Jason Bourne films as this spy looks to take over Bond for the modern age (good luck...have you seen 'Skyfall'), but there's around 10 thrilling books for readers and moviemakers to get around to and this one should be 'Imperative'. With an amnesic like beginning reminiscent of the original 'Identity' of Bourne, this is the perfect homage and story in it's own right. From snow soaked tension in a murderous wilderness to a blizzard of worldwide chases and undercover twists revealed to the light at the end of this book spine this is one taught and tense read. What else could you expect from a spy thiller that requires a Sherlock Holmes magnify glass of concetration and composure to get through? 007 may have owned the last century of secret services, but this spy hard work of Jason Bourne looks set to create a legacy that could last over the decades of this new milleniuum. One day they'll be talking about who will play the new Bourne like they do Bond.

CASINO ROYALE: Still, like the front of this book says, 'there is only one Bond'...and only one spy who out smarts them all with a suit and tie and pistol cocked with a license to kill. Plus as great as Daniel Craig and his new 'Casino Royale' beginnings are(certainly an upgrade from the original, unofficial 'Royale' offering), when it comes to Bond nobody tops Fleming, Ian Fleming. That's right Sean Connery and Roger Moore, when you look at Bond you see the man who wrote and created him. Fleming's first novel was a real find and scoop thanks to a free coupon from a newspaper (you know we've been on the hunt for great, bargain books and this is one of the best...ever) and reading this book on a park bench with a man playing an accordian nearby really set the European scene for a novel, quick, perfect Autumn afternoon read(the classic chapter names including 'Pink Lights and Champagne' even inspired me to write a song). Still, nobody lays it out like Fleming who just like Shelock's, Arthur Conan Doyle is a classic, creative writer aswell as a great story and character creator. The man who wrote President JFK's favourite book (the other (oh, there's more than one) Bond classic 'From Russia With Love') and 'Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang' gets deep, dark and descriptive from the subplots of murder and romance that make the ladies and gentelman's favourite Bond so compelling. From Bentley chases to the tension of torture, nothing is more gripping in this thriller than the gamble of cards and money itself. You have to hand it to Fleming, he plays it perfectly. No matter how great the Bond films are, nothing is more exciting and entertaining than the words that inspired it. The book always comes first...shaken and stirred. TIM DAVID HARVEY.

BOOK REPORT

A name change, but the game still remains the same. A look at what books we've read during our 'Reading Week', this week two influential and inspirational, but different American figures.

CASH-THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY: Don't you just hate it when you lend a book to someone and they don't give it you back, no matter how many times you politely ask? It's a laugh that these days it would cost less money to buy the book again then to actually go meet them and get it, but it's the principle right? Anyway, rant over this is one book that's worth buying again. The autobiography from the man in black is haunting and moving, spiritual and inspirational and reflective and redeeming as the highwayman takes us down the roads of his life. The man who crafted quite the country strong career and life for himself, takes you through the prisons and the rings of fires that have defined his legend and legacy. He also takes you to the end and the rebirth of his career, with his revolutionary 'American Recordings' sessions with prolific Chilli Pepper and Beastie Boy producer Rick Rubin that redefined the late legend to another generation. Through all the thousands of albums he made and songs he recorded in different languages what translates the most his his love for life, family and friends. That's what strikes the highest cord that we can all relate to here without playing along. That is what makes the legend of Johnny and his music really sing. This is why you need to invest in 'Cash'.

BILL CLINTON-GIVING: Following his epic 'In My Life' autobiography of his presidency, Bill Clinton has wrote many books. Still it's the bargain, short read of 'Giving' that I found, that really stays with you the most. This is not about Bill, this is not about us, it's about others. He tells us 'How Each Of Us Can Change The World' in relation to charity that goes beyond money or preaching. The president does not seek to manipulate or control, but instead influence and inspire that all of us can make a difference with our means, whether they be financial or simply a few minutes of our time. Citing countless inspirational stories and others who have done so much for the world the ambassador of good charity doesnt even blow his own saxophone to all the incredible, underrated work he's done. He doesn't even go as far as to make us feel bad at what the better off have done for the worse. He just tells us like it is and gives us a guidebook on how we can start to do the same if that is what we are interested in. A powerful but subtle punch beyond politics. In talking about doing the right thing, Bill Clinton does it the right way. TIM DAVID HARVEY.

READING WEEK

UP IN THE OLD HOTEL: A classic collection of the works of writer Joesph Mitchell tho contributed cool and courageously crafted columns and sensational stories for 'The New Yorker'. From writers to waiters, gypsies to rats and everything in between the core of the Big Apple, Mitchell's writing is introspective, inspired detailed and dilligent. With respect and humor, Mitchell-until his death in 1996-brought everything to life from the atmosphere of steak houses to all sorts of people and their stories that wouldnt have been heard, without Mitchell finding them and telling them. A true journalist to the end who really adbided by the true, genuine essence of writing. We could all take a page from this greats book.

STAR TREK-DEPARTMENT OF TEMPORAL INVESTIGATIONS: FORGOTTEN HISTORY:Space...the final fronteir...now that's a mouthful. Try...reading...this book...in William Shatner's...voice. In fact, in what is a 'Star Trek' year, reading this book had me shifting between picturing Shatner and Nimoy and Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto as I boldly went through this book (does that violate the prime directive?). Shifting between the worlds of the original sixties series and 'Deep Space Nine', this is truly a great read too, going all Doctor Who on us and shifting through time aswell as the space continuum. What results are some great lessons learned and told in a series and genre that always used it's future themes to help guide viewers through past pretenses and present problems. Recentely reading a 'Star Wars' book, which is considered a futuristic Westeren, it's rival and counterpart feels like a pirate ship voyage across the seven seas of space. A gripping page turner which your imagination or Abrams could turn into a movie this truly sinks everyone elses battleship. All hands on deck, your rainy day legs book is ready to be turned. Set your plans to stun. Energize! TIM DAVID HARVEY.

READING WEEK

More like 'Reading Weak'. It's been awhile. Apologies but this readers been writing. So let's stop the yearly read count (it was too boastful anyway) and just focus on what we've delved into recentely.

INTO THE WILD: I must admit when I first saw the cult classic film that was based on this book I wasn't a big fan. Even if I loved the solo soundtrack scored by Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder, which led to a serious, unique ukelele second career (which I prefer...yeah I know). With all due respect to the dead I found the leaving of home without a word by Christopher McCandless to travel a little discomforting. Especially because I was about to embark on a travelling trip of my own at the time which illuminated the feelings of isolation and homesickness. Still in further reading here we see more into this man and his lifes mission to truly live and what more can you respect than that. This book is both haunting and hopeful, recounting the fates of several other travellers who died tragically on the road and in respect of Christopher and them all, throughout all the vivid descriptions of just how beautiful real America is, nothing is more beautiful here then the hearts of men who just wanted to see the world for what it really is.

STAR WARS-RIPTIDE: It's safe to say it's been a Star Wars week. I even wanted to write this post inward like the opening credits. In a living room far, far away I watched the original trilogy for the first time in over a decade in one night, then went to sleep, woke up, watched a double-bill of 'Fraiser' and then watched the 'other' three Star Wars films. So it was only right I brought a novel. This one by Paul S. Kemp is a sequel to ('Crosscurrent' (which I need to get, but hey it's not like these guys know how to keep a chronological order)). On a clone hunt this book is deep, dark, brooding and brilliant. Capturing the loneliness of a vast hyperdrive space to go along with the futuristic martial arts of lightsabre duels, pitched and penned perfectly. From vivid descriptions of Jedi training, lightsabre making in dads garage and disassembling to it's essence, this takes Star Wars to the core. You know I can't wait for the new films now.

THE SILENT SEASON OF A HERO: I must admit I had no idea about the sportswriting of the great Gay Talese until I was brought his book for my birthday. Now, however this collection of his best stories from decades gone is perfect for this aspiring sportswriter who cites the late, great Jim Murray and the modern marvel of Scoop Jackson as his writing inspirations. Just like these two, Talese gives more to sportswriting than just facts and figures. His descriptive decadence now puts him in my holy trinity of the writers room with Scoop and Jim. Inspired by the likes of F. Scott Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway, Gay gave his subjects and stories exactly that...more story. Seeing all the intricate things that would make an inspired whole. He would write about everyone from the retired to the losers, the ignored to the caddies and behind the scenes and pro figures. He'd also pen an inspired Ali meets Castro piece for Esquire. His work, funny and forthright, insightful but respectful. The man who as kept and developed his signature style from his teens to his elder years has blessed every medium his typewriting fingers have graced. If you want to get into writing this is the man to follow. Thank you Mr. Talese for recharging the writer in me and showing me how it's really done. TIM DAVID HARVEY.